Lucky in life...

...unlucky at cards I guess.

Get all the money in with AK, fish has AQ. Flop K6J. Turn 2. River 10.

Get all the money in with TPTK and Nut flush draw. Nut flush comes, but fish hits a runner runner for a straight flush.

Flop the wheel. Fish catches a two on the turn to give his six rag a higher straight.

Flop trip jacks. Fish shoves and backdoors a flush.

Lose every race for three weeks.

AK loses to AQ.

Pair of eights loses to AQ on the river.

Pair of fours loses to AK on the river.

Flop the nut flush, fish turns two pair and fills up on the river -after the chips are all in.

Good times.

Every good decision recently it seems is met by the inevitable five outer hitting on the turn. I've gotten to the point where I feel sick to my stomach if I get my money in good. On the infrequent occasion where I make a bad or marginal decision and get in behind, I don't even bother to hope to get lucky.

I used to detest the whiners on the poker forums. Who wants to listen to some results oriented loser bemoan the record number of two outers foisted on them by some cosmic doomswitch in the online realm.

I used to roll my eyes, I used to think "whatever". I am decision oriented - I am calm cool and collected. I had my aces cracked by A4 at HPC and barely got my heart rate up. I fooled myself into being happy because of such an uber-donk call.

Today, I think I'm starting to sympathize with the pity party jackasses.

Sigh. Not really. I guess.

The good news is, that if I lose my online bankroll (which you may remember started as 0 and was up to over $400) I get to be finished with online poker forever. It's not very likely (I'm still at $200) but it is nice to have a sensible fallback plan.

As for live poker - I final tabled at HPC and had my aces cracked by nines before the money. Then I went back and got six outered on the river - then I was back today and got sucked out (again) on a crucial hand and then for the next hour (with my stack a shell of its former self) found myself about as card dead as can be.

When I finally got around to making a move with the first face card I had seen in 45 minutes (the ripe with potential Jc10c) I ran smack into a snap call with A10 by a guy who didn't have many more chips than me. Well played sir.

I'm trying so hard of late to find my old zen poker self - and I know I'll get there. Yes, I still don't play during the week, but maybe I need a longer hiatus.

In any event, the biggest point really is that I need to re-find the fun. My game always seemed to grow the most when I wasn't concerned with being Phil Ivey - I always did the best when I just played for the love of the game. It seems tougher now, because I truly can see that I'm better than all but 2 or 3 players at the average table. I expect to do better than I have been.

I do still love the game. Thankfully, on Full Tilt I don't have any losses to chase. If I get back down to zero, it will back to play chips.

Flatline is a fixed budget of $150, which I have yet to ever fall under - and I still have $100 left for this season.

As for live, I am actually still up quite a bit - but if I get under zero again, I still plan to stick to my budget, which is one live tourney a month (which I rarely make anyway, it's usually every other month).

And no, I'm not concerned with supplementing my income, and certainly don't see making a living any time soon. Nor would I want to, being a poker pro is a soul sucking grind, of that I'm sure. Playing recreationally is too on occasion I've noticed.