Confession...

So I've been putting this off for far too long.

A few months ago my online bankroll finally ground down to 30 cents.

As you probably know, I had built up to well over $400 for more than a spate in 2008, up from literally zero in 2007.

I've been reflecting a lot on how the end of my "found money" came to be; as far as I can tell, being totally and brutally honest with myself; my plummeting winnings line for the past 2 years has come about from three things.

1.) Monkey Tilt - I have on more than one occasion tried to get "unstuck" after taking brutal beats or misplaying hands. As Charlie Sheen has shown us, knowing what a problem is, identifying it and swearing to never fall victim to it - doesn't always prevent a person from succumbing. The occasional $10 tournament I would take a shot at (way above my bankroll) became much more than occasional as the money slipped down to under $100. Big, big, BIG mistake.

2.) Rush Poker - like crack cocaine for a poker-holic like me. Problem is, the swings are magnified tenfold.

3.) Variance - I truly believe that my play, especially in cash game Rush, was not the worst in the world. I really did get hammered in a ridiculous manner more than a few times; the above mentioned monkey tilt would then come into play and was really responsible for most of my spewing, but the spark was always some God awful 2 outer spiking on the river.

But even in identifying the causes and being able to dimly recall the sequence of events that led to my .30 roll - I am truly unable to comprehend in a fully conscious way, how I went from robusto to busto so quickly.

But I take solace in recognizing that the best poker players in the world, every single one of them, have been broke at one time or another and most will be broke again in the future. In point of fact, because they are the best players in the world this is even more so the truth than with your average recreational player.

One of the big golden rules in the game is to disassociate the chips in front of you from actual money. Only the biggest and best gamblers can do this utterly and completely - and in doing so it becomes part of the natural process that at one time or another their bankrolls will be depleted.

So I am in very good company.

On the brighter side, my live game has been holding up well; in my increasingly frequent escapes to HPC I have cashed 3 times this year already; putting me at about even for the year in card room play. My home game too has also been sharp, I got the monies in good twice last tournament - once PF with AK over AJ, Jack in the door of course. Then I flopped TPBK with A10, got paid off with A4 until he binked a 4 on the river. That tournament felt like mine from the outset, the poker Gods just happened to have other plans that night.

I'm excited to play some poker on my upcoming vacation - first I have 3 nights in Phoenix (wouldn't you know it though, looks like there isn't a single tournament in the evening in the entire area, but I'll keep looking) and then a week on a cruise ship that does have a poker table or two and tournaments! Woo hoo!

Perhaps best of all, it's looking increasingly like my production company will be doing a big show in Vegas during the WSOP and doing the show from the Venetian! A big improvement from our last years effort at the Hilton (the only major Hotel near the strip as far as I can tell with NO poker room). Last year we got a nice per diem and free food, I was able to gamble this "free money" into a tournament win at T.I. - hopefully I can fare just as well or better in some of the largest and best run poker tournament dailies in the world, which will be starting right about the time I get off of work!

And then there's that WSOP seat... (Haven't got it yet, but at this point it's mine to lose.)